Are You Having Trouble Being Present?

I have an absolute love/frustration relationship with our yard. So much so that I realized recently that I probably think about it 10-200% of the time. I’ve never really had a yard except for when I was growing up and even then I only did the occasional mowing. I did try to grow tomatoes a few times (that did NOT work). As an adult I’ve always lived in places with small yards that were maintained by others.

And now. An acre and a half. Which I LOVE. I love all the space, I love the animals that come to visit, I love the possibilities. But when we moved in, there was basically no landscaping and a good deal of the yard was littered with strange objects (a porcelain doll’s arm was one of the weirdest) and a lot of glass and nails.

In my enthusiasm and eagerness to have a beautiful outdoor space (and my love of flowers and plants and tomatoes), I’ve become a Lowe’s orphan garden section junkie. This is the section where they put the plants that are not doing so well out to pasture. And mark them waaaaay down. It’s one of my faaaaavorite things to do to go and peruse this section and discover beautiful plants that I can bring back to life. I love studying them and the exotic names and all the varieties. Stella D’Oro. Hibiscus. Lantana. Lorapetalum. I love learning whether they like sun or shade. Whether they like lots of water or whether they like to be ignored.

Thing is, inevitably, in spring and fall we end up with 20+ plants still in pots in various places in the yard that are eagerly awaiting to be planted in the earth. Also inevitably, they sit. And they sit. And they sit. They do get watered and they get loved but man…we’re busy!! Planting them takes some time that we haven’t been able to find lately.

So I find myself guiltily thinking about all these beautiful plants and when the heck I’m going to plant them. A LOT. And for some reason I just recently realized that all these guilty ruminations are not helping them or me. I’m not enjoying them AND it’s making it more difficult for me to actually take the action. Basically, I’m NOT BEING PRESENT. Ha! I know I know. It took me awhile, but I got there.

It’s not that it’s inherently bad to think about the past or the future, but if we’re caught in one or the other perpetually, were missing out on our present. In this case…I’m not really enjoying my beautiful plants because I’m stuck in the future of when and how I’m going to plant them. And I’m missing the things that are actually around me when I’m not around the plants.

So…my decision is to change this thought pattern. I am focusing on enjoying these beauties. AND on allowing myself to BE WHERE I AM and to appreciate it all. Take it all in. Because it really is all here for us to enjoy.

Oh, and our tomatoes are THRIVING! :)